Sick, sick, sick....in Spring!

I never get sick (touch wood). Seriously, I left my recent place of work with over 60 sick leave days accrued. So why is it as soon as I no longer have to report to work I come down with some awful bug. A bug that has left me coughing and now cold like for over 10 days! Yes I probably should have gone to the doctor, I did try and make an appointment on Friday and they were SHUT!

Sleep deprived, lacking in energy, fuzzy headed, short tempered I find my self on auto pilot as I plod through the days.

As the days have grown warmer this week and the flowers blooming I am striving to get out and enjoy my time outside the offce enviroment. I am longing to feel like myself again - full of energy and enthusiasm.

On my to do list this afternoon is to put together some wholesome nutritious meals for the week ahead. Fresh vegetables and grains hopefully will cleanse my body and mind and help me to start the week with renewed optimism and vigour!

So what now....

Now the dust has settled on my tumultuous couple of weeks I am left wondering what next.

My dad starts chemo in hospital this week - mum will be looking after him and because his immune system will be shot none of us will we won't see him for the next little bit.

I have updated my resume. Registered with some recruitment agencies. Applied for a couple of jobs. Started networking and getting the word out that I am looking for work.

Now what?

I have gone from having very little free time to all of a sudden having time. I seem to get less done the more time I have. One of my friends suggested I put together a weekly schedule to make sure I get things done and create a new routine for myself. Probably a good idea.

I find myself in the strange limbo land. Waiting for my dad to get better. Constantly watching my bank balance to make sure I don't run out money. Searching for a fabulous part time job. Applying for that fabulous part time job. Waiting to hear if I get the fabulous part time job.

I don't do waiting and uncertainty very well. I will meditate more and try and relax and go with the flow.....

Jobless.....

To complete an already trying week I was made redundant. After 7 .5 years with the one employer I was shocked, saddened, embarrassed, angry, disappointed, resentful, agitated and totally totally surprised at their decision.

After 7.5 years with the one employer I walked out the door half an hour after being told and will not return. After 7.5 years with the one employer I will not have a farewell or the chance to say good bye to the colleagues with who I have worked and shared life experiences with. After 7.5 years of working I suddenly don't have to get up and go to the office in the morning.

So as I grieve the loss of my job I am trying to decide if this the end of something good or the start of something great.

Jobless at 37. Time to re-invent myself and make the most of this forced change.

Waiting...

I found out last week that my Dad may have cancer again. His MRI test results didn’t look good and we had to wait the entire weekend before he could see his specialist today. Today he was told that he will have to have further tests done on Wednesday. Another two days of waiting.

A couple of things that I have noticed over the last few days are:

1. How debilitating fear of the unknown is. Today I was unable to focus on anything. I literally was in limbo until I heard what the Dr said. As the appointment time arrived and went I found myself pacing around my house and then minutes later climbing my fence to cut a large branch off my neighbour’s tree that blocks my sun, (work that one out?) I needed to hear the information I was dreading yet at the same time yearning to hear!

2. The wonderful and abundant support from my new network of school friends. I received hugs, emails, texts and many offers of help. It warmed my heart and made me feel good in what has been a terrible couple of days. It surprised and humbled me. I am so pleased to be apart of such a loving and supportive school community.

Another two days. Waiting.....

Ho hummmmmm......

Ho hum….

I have been feeling really flat the last few days. Lucy has a bad night time cough and I am averaging around 4 hours sleep a night. She is fine during the day and is as perky as normal! I am not sure how kids do this. They have the ability to feel “great” no matter how little quality sleep they get (well mine does anyway). Currently as I sit at work (obviously not doing any) she is at home dressed ready for school outside (it’s 7.30am and 12 degrees) on the play equipment. Rearing to go!

I am sitting at my computer in the office waiting for my motivation and energy to kick in!

After feeling so energized to go back to study and find work that I am passionate about I feel stuck already. With worries about redundancies at work and my father having another health scare I am now questioning my decision to go back to study. If I did go back and undertake a counseling course – would I really be able to find a part time job that could support my daughter and I?

I know money doesn’t necessarily make you “happy”, but so much of my life is dominated by it! I am typically one of those people who work to live. I don’t have any huge career aspirations, I don’t feel driven to do anything in particular and I desperately do not want to return to full time work. I could quite happily not work and fill my days with lovely creative, active and charitable activities. Well this is not going to happen and I need to stop fantasizing about it!

So I will work through these doldrums and embrace the sun, fragrance of spring and get organized and energised! I need to to surround myself by supportive and creative people. I will help my friends and enjoy coffees and chats. I will accept that I must work and not judge or compare what I do to other people. I will cuddle Lucy and be grateful that she is so full of energy and the bright spark of my life and maybe I should embrace and try the suggestions in The Happiness Institute’s Monday blog;

“Maybe happiness and success comes down to what we do every 15 minutes! Maybe happiness and success comes down to what we do in each and every moment rather than across a whole day or week or year! Achieving happiness almost certainly comes down to practising a few simple disciplines each and every minute so determine what actions you need to take to find more happiness and focus on doing them as often as you can in every 15 minute period throughout the day!”

Happiness Institute Monday Aug 18 2009

Voices in my head.....

Is it just me or does everyone have constant inner chatter going on in their minds?

I try and practice meditation when I know I am more likely to experience inner talk. For me it is when I am driving, doing housework and cleaning the dishes.

It might sound strange that I say over and over in my head the word “driving” as I am actually driving but it does work in quietening my mind. Dishwashing is a perfect time to practice mindful meditation – concentrating and focussing purely on what I am doing.

Until I started meditation classes earlier this year I had no idea just how much my mind was overworking! Rethinking conversations I had earlier in the day, thinking about what I need to talk to someone about, criticising myself for having the extra serving at lunch, mentally putting together meals for the week, organising to do lists......it is constant!

The worse kind of self chatter is negative self talk. I’ve recently read a lot about the impact negative self talk has on us, in particular on our behaviours. One article suggested recognising when the chat starts, acknowledging it and then focussing on something else or actively turning the negative self chat into a positive thought.

I have a lot of negative self talk going on in my mind and reducing this is my new challenge, and I am going to be positive about my ability to quieten the voices.

Positivity & Change

I loved this exercise from Kate at Spiritual Business.

Sourced from the Spiritual Business website:
Daily Ritual: 5 August 2009
27 things about you

Write a list of 27 things you would like to change in your life and what you would like to replace them with.

Stress- Peace
Disappointment- Hope
Scarcity- Abundance and so on.

This way you are moving 27 things inside yourself and by the end of the list you will be vibrating at a higher level. Open to possibilities and open to change.


I loved the idea of taking something I perceived as a negative and thinking about how it could become a positive. The glass is half full rather than half empty view on the world really uplifts me and allows me to see what is possible.

Too often I think, we are bombarded by friends, peers, colleagues and the media with negative and depressing information. Drama, bitchiness, crisis and tragedies or near tragedies are part of our daily environment. Too often the good and inspirational stories just don't make it into our conversations or news!

By openly thinking about the things I would like to change about myself gives me a good starting point for that change.

Here are some of my 27 things that I would like to change about me and what I would like to replace them with:

No time - more time to enjoy life
Stress - calm
Clutter - organisation
Frustration - acceptance
Tiredness - endless energy and vitality
Migraine - overall wellness
Sweet tooth - balance and moderation
Sensitive - strength
Emotional - perspective

Noise - serenity

Naughty but nice....

I loved this thought of the day from Rummage. It actually made me laugh out loud!

I am loath to admit that I often hide in the kitchen/pantry snacking on something naughty that I don't want Lucy to see!

I know a few fully grown women who are also guilty of this - my sister has a secret stash of smarties that she hides from not only her children but also her husband! Hilarious!

Light globe moment...

This week I had a momentous light globe moment. At 37 I have been struggling with what I want to be when I grow up. I am not sure when I will feel "grown up" but I guess I will know when I get there, or not. Anyway I digress, coaching and counselling. This is my light globe!

I have been unhappy in my current role for sometime, for lots of reasons, and have been looking rather unsuccessfully for something to inspire me! So rather than applying for any more roles that I will not be happy in I have decided to return to study.

In the last six months I have learnt so much about; myself, health, well being, happiness, joy, the present, relaxation, silence, mindfulness, holistic approaches, alternate philosophies ....the list is endless and I have loved every moment of it.

Having studied psychology at university it isn't a huge stretch to think I would enjoy and be good at counselling/coaching, it has just taken me 17 years to work it out. So I look forward to approaching this next stage of education with zest and hopefully the conscientiousness that I lacked first time round.

Hard work

My sister and I run a small children's wear business. The last 3 years have taught me a lot about hard work, my sister and our relationship and trust.

While not all these lessons have been enjoyable there have been some wonderful moments including travelling to France on a regular basis and seeing the support our family and friends have willingly provided.

Today was one of those nice moments. While my sister has frustrated me with her work ethic of late, today we had a full day of productive and rewarding hard physical work. We managed to remain focussed and achieved all and more of our objectives while enjoying each others company and even having a giggle or two, oh and a nice lunch out!

It is with a great sense of achievement (and sore hands) that I sit down tonight to enjoy a rewarding coffee and relax.

Tomorrow I will think about all the end of financial year stuff I need to get done.

Breathe

I simply loved this blog by Zen Habits . So simple, so effective and I now have have a post it note on my computer at work - everytime I see it I stop and breathe! Invigorating and calming and being totally present in the moment.

Breathe....and enjoy!

Over the last few months I have been applying for new jobs. Looking for part time work is extremely hard and I really wasn’t prepared for the rejection that comes when you are not successful.

Having found something in the paper or online that sparks a bit of interest and ticks most of my boxes I sit down and spend time putting together what I think is a good example of why I would be suitable for the position , only to not hear back (ever) or receive an email telling me that unfortunately on this occasion I have been unsuccessful.

I would like to think that I am worthy of a little more than an email. I would like to think that my application had some sort of impact on the audience and that in itself would warrant at least an interview or call? Who am kidding – what I really want is my perfect job to be handed to me on a platter with the exact salary I want with the exact conditions I want.

I have been working with my lovely personal coach Kate who is helping me to identify my key skills and reinvigorate confidence in my own abilities, that I seem to have lost. Maybe when I rediscover this belief in myself I will start applying for the right jobs and putting together applications that shout why I would be perfect!

What's the rush?

Why is it I feel like I am constantly racing against an imaginary clock.....I rush from one task to the next to the next...all the time thinking about what else I still need to do! What is the rush? What is the worst thing that could happen? The constant motion is exhausting!

Being mindful, practicing meditation, using aromatherapy, exercising....I will continue on my quest to find the perfect combination of techniques to calm the stress caused by my mostly self imposed deadlines and to embrace the now!

"Stop and smell the roses Kate!!!!!!!!"

Post script:

I love a "sign". After posting this last night I got my Zen Habits blog update this morning...and what do you know, it is about slowing down. Love it!

Leo Babauta writes:

"A slower-paced life means making time to enjoy your mornings, instead of rushing off to work in a frenzy. It means taking time to enjoy whatever you’re doing, to appreciate the outdoors, to actually focus on whoever you’re talking to or spending time with — instead of always being connected to a Blackberry or iPhone or laptop, instead of always thinking about work tasks and emails. It means single-tasking rather than switching between a multitude of tasks and focusing on none of them.

Slowing down is a conscious choice, and not always an easy one, but it leads to a greater appreciation for life and a greater level of happiness."

He goes on to describe 10 steps to achieving this. Great blog!

Pleasing my senses...

Things that please my senses make me feel good.

Sight

My daughter smiling
Flowers
Organic and textural pieces
Beautiful photos
Art
Weathered and pre loved provincial furniture and items
Autumn leaves
South of France and Italy – and pretty much most of Europe
Nature – raw beauty
My home – clean, tidy and warm – filled with flowers, laughter and the scent of oils and good home made food

Sound

The leaves rustling in the trees
A storm brewing outside
The water lapping the beach
Sunday afternoon in the burbs
Music that is beautiful, haunting, melodic, uplifting
Quiet
Rain on a tin roof
Magpies at dawn
Giggles
A church choir (in Europe an added bonus)


Smell

The freshness after a storm
The saltiness of the sea (even sea weed is beautifully refreshing)
My daughter when she is clean and warm from the bath
Freshly cut grass
Fresh fruit and veggies at a market
Wattle on a warm day in the bush
Fresh flowers – jasmine in Spring, Christmas lilies in December, Jonquils in Winter.....
Essential oils – lavender, lemongrass, peppermint
Horses and the leather of their saddle and equipment
Perfume
A fresh cut Christmas tree – scent of Christmas tree
Fresh herbs
The aroma of an afternoon of cooking

Touch

The softness and warmth of my bed, especially on a cold winters night
The texture of nature – sticks, rocks, leaves
The sand between my toes
Cool water at the beach on a warm day
A hug from my daughter
A hot shower (4 mins only of course) or a hot bath
The warm soft fur of a cat or dog
The coolness of stone

Taste

Smooth chocolate
The bitterness of a strong coffee
Salt
Fragrant herbs and spices
Watermelon – crisp and cool
A lovely dry white wine
Pretty much anything sweet

I seem to spend so much time and waste so much mind space worrying about the things that don’t make me happy I sometimes forget just how much does make me happy, and how much is beautiful and wondrous in my world!

Awe-Summm Blog Award - thank you Kate

Kate James nominated me for this Blog Award - I am not sure if my words are that full of wisdom or my thoughts that insightful but I do enjoy the world of blogging and the sharing of information, images, thoughts, ideas.....

Below are the rules and guidelines to the Awe-summm award:

* List 7 things that make you Awe-Summm and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers you love.

* Make sure to tag your recipients and let them know they have won!

* And finally link back to the blogger that tagged you.

7 things that make me Awe-summm! Wow! That is seriously hard work and putting it into writing even harder!

1. I like to help people – being a typical Libran I like balance and order. Helping others to see the wood for the trees is something I enjoy and think I am good at (is that the right saying?)

2. I notice the detail in things

3. I like to talk and am able to communicate with people and naturally fit into most social settings

4. I am open to new concepts,ideas and philosophies and am interested in other's views and ideas.

5. I go out of my way for my friends and acquaintances – offering help where I can

6. Being a mother fills me with joy and wonder and I love being a part of our school community

7. I appreciate how fragile our environment is and am making conscious steps to act responsibly and instill these ideas in my daughter

I am new to the world of blogging so my list of blogs I follow is not huge but I have some lovely ones I do follow. From my gorgeous meditation teacher Kate James to the wonderful ideas and thoughts of Zen Habits. A Heart in Provence is beautiful and feeds my love of all things that are gorgeous. Some of the images are astounding. The same could be said for the beautiful images in the Smitten Kitchen gallery of photos. Truly amazing.

Everyday calm
Smitten kitchen

Zen Habits
Pocket Nap

Open
A Heart in Provence

Happy blogging!

A hidden gem

I love it when I find a hidden treasure - today we visited a lovely sculpture park just behind Frankston. Hidden on a main road is a delightful, tranquil, artistic oasis. We roamed the tracks in the bush finding carefully placed works of art that elicited squeals of excitement from my 5 year old, Lucy.

I can't take the credit for finding this gem (http://www.mcclellandgallery.com/), a friend of mine from Seddon told me all about it. She travelled from her side of town last weekend and raved about her experience. I found the visit a wonderfully energising experience. The day was mild, the sun shining, the trees and sculptures reflected on the mirror like surface of the duck pond and the unique pieces of art sparked excitement in Lucy. Seeing my 5 year old appreciating, touching, noticing, commenting and responding to the art was wonderful.

I had forgotten how art fed my creative nature. How I love; feeling the different textures, noticing the warmth or coolness of the different materials, observing how the piece of art sits in it's environment and the way a piece of art makes me feel. I will continue to seek out art that is a tonic for my soul and hopefully I will pass this appreciation on to Lucy.

The lovely Kate James has nominated me for a Blog award - quite baffling as I am not sure if my ramblings are that interesting. I will take a little time to put together my list of 7 things that make me Awe-Summm and my 7 favourite blogs and respond to the nomination. I also thank Kate (my meditation teacher) who opened my eyes to not only meditation but triggered my quest to explore the idea of wellness and happiness.

Aaaarrggghhhhhhh....finding time

Time - where does it go? Why can't I seem to motivate myself to manage it better. I used to list it as one of my strengths, but somewhere along the way I seem to have lost the ability or will to be productive.

It is stressing me out a bit that I don't seem to be able to "manage" all aspects of my life at the moment. I need to get better at doing the work stuff that has to be done when I can do it rather than waiting till the last minute.

How can I motivate myself to get the less enjoyable aspects of work off my to do list and in doing so de-stressing myself!

Why is it I will spend half an hour on facebook and not balancing the bank statements in MYOB? (ok that is an obvious one). Why is it I will sit and write on my blog rather than attending to the mountain of paperwork on my desk at the moment. At 37 I would have thought I would be more conscientious than when I was younger - but it doesn't seem to be the case. I seem to be going backwards.

Somewhere along the way I have lost interest in my work life (apart from the social interaction). I lack career ambition and really, really don't know what I want to be when I "grow up". This lack of clarity is impacting all areas of my life.

Reading, researching, talking and exploring alternate options are high on my to do list. With lots of scenarios up in the air at the moment hopefully I will find a "solution" soon.

Until then I will plod along, doing what I have to do to pay the bills and keep the business running, and at least enjoying the wonderful things in my life at the moment; the lovely Lucy, interaction with our new school friends, hanging out with friends, gardening, listening to music, going to the beach and collecting shells and sticks, enjoying a latte, reading and watching the leaves autumnal showcase.

Bake bake bake...

What is there to do on a cold wintry weekend?

Yesterday we walked the coastal trail from Mentone to Ricketts Point (not that far but considerable for a 5 year old) collecting shells and sticks along the way. Rock pools were a source of great delight for my 5 year old in her new gumboots! The joy in something so simple, so natural - just priceless!

A wintry day at the beach is one of life's hidden wonders! There were only a handful of us brave enough to venture out, but that just added to the feeling of doing something special. We greeted the few beach goers we encountered with a knowing smile or nod! Like we shared a wonderful hidden secret.

During the week in my normal search of the internet for new and wonderful organic/natural products I found a fantastic website which had a recipe for Morning Glory Muffins (http://www.ebfarm.com/). Saturday's batch were so wonderful and nourishing that I made another batch today to freeze for school lunches! Just call me Martha!

The wonderful Earth Bound Farm also has a recipe book that I have ordered - The Earthbound Farm Organic Cookbook - full of what looks like delicious, organic, seasonal food. The muffins are full of fresh organic apples, pineapple and carrots and make you feel good just looking at them.

I finished the weekend off by inviting a couple of girlfriends over to do some "baking". Living on my own (with the lovely Lucy) I tend to be lazy and eat the same thing over and over. Solution - bake and freeze. Today my house was full laughter, good company and the aroma of chickpea curry, veggie lasagna and muffins.

The only other thing that would have made this blast of winter absolutely perfect would have been a fire to sit in front off, alas I don't have one of those, but I can dream!

...business closing

I'm sitting at my computer aching in spots I didn't know existed. We shut one of our children's wear boutiques yesterday and have spent the last two days with my sister and brother in law stripping out the shop.

We did it much quicker than we thought we would and it was incredible that what took us years to get up and running could be demolished in under 48 hours. The hours labouring over projected financials, countless visits to France to meet and deal with our Franchisors, negotiating with the real estate agent for what we now know was a lousy deal and the many hours spent trying to grow the business was all gone in an instant. We were left with a big cavernous, dusty and very empty shell.

My sister asked as we breathed in the dust removing the flooring if had been an enourmous failure. I had to think about that one. It was a failure of sorts in that it didn't meet our expectations - but were our expectations flawed? It was a failure in that it didn't meet budget and led to a nasty falling out with our third partner. It was a failure in that we never quite met the needs of the clients in the area.

As a business in it's own right though, one might argue that it wasn't a failure. Like all new businesses they need time to "grow up". Two and a half years is possibly not long enough to establish itself. We also needed to "grow up" as managers and owners of a retail business. We now know a lot more about running a business and will use these skills to better manage our other shop in Port Melbourne.

The improving status of the Port Melbourne shop could be attributed to lessons learnt in Hawksburn. Without the shop in Hawksburn we wouldn't have had the chance to get the good retail site in Port Melbourne.

While we now find ourselves still hugely in debt I don't think our business venture in Hawksburn was a failure. It has strengthened my relationship with my sister (although at times it didn't feel that way), it brought out the best in our parents who also pitch in to help along with a plethora of other friends, it has allowed my sister and I to travel to France numerous times and it continually challenged us to think out side the square and operate very much out of our comfort zone.

So as we contemplate the next step I am optimistic and feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders with one less retail site to manage. My workload will be reduced and I hopefully won't find working part time as well as running the business as much of a chore. Maybe we might start enjoying it, and if some of that "love" can be injected into our business we might see it grow and meet some of our original expectations after all.

What I love...

I did some exercises yesterday as part of a book I am reading and reviewing for work (Spiritual Business). I had to list 40 things I love......I started slowly but was surprised once I started, how easily lovely and wonderful things filled my mind...the purpose of the exercise it to remind ourselves of the things we like rather than always focusing on those we don't.

On my list were; the smell of cut grass, the beach, my daughters laughter, my home, shells, warm weather, flowers, the colour green, chocolate, olive oil soap, lavender, candles, Christmas, coffee out or at home, smell of the ocean, rock pools, nature, jasmine, good food (a bit too much), things that please my senses, Barwon Heads, bushwalking (not that I get to do much of it), essential oils (orange and lemon burning at the moment), a cold crisp charddy,......the list went on.

It was an enjoyable and worthwile exercise and supported my quest this year to take each day at a slower pace and to appreciate the moments a little more.

Contemplating the serenity

Term one is over - I can't believe I have been a "school mum" for a whole term already. It is April and the year seems to be flying by.

I'm sitting here on a dreary Sunday afternoon contemplating the quietness of my home. Lucy has gone to a friends house for a sleep over and I am experiencing something I haven't for a long time - quiet, and not just for an hour or two, a whole evening of serenity. No organising dinner, tidying up after a very splashy bath, arguing over bedtime and going to sleep. Quite a bizarre notion for me but one I will realish as it doesn't happen that often.

This afternoon I received confirmation from a friend that she and her husband were splitting up after years of marriage and having two young children. I spoke to her during the week and tried to assure her that she and the children would be fine and possibly better without the ongoing tension and I did something I haven't done for a while. I wrote a letter.

I wanted to send her some guided meditations as I thought she needed to find some time just to zone out and didn't feel I could just send the cd. I found my writing paper (in the back of the cupboard) and wrote some hopefully supportive words. It reminded me of how we used to communicate with friends and I found it a bit sad that we no longer write like we used to. There is something more personal about a handwritten note or letter than an email or facebook post.

I reminded her to appreciate what is good in her life right now. By focussing some of her attention on the good things - her beautiful children, her lovely warm home, her wonderful supportive family, her beautiful beachside suburb, her friends - hopefully she can find some energy and strength to deal with the hard couple of months ahead.

While I look around my warm house now I appreicate so many things - including the current peace and quiet. By tomorrow I will miss the noise and constant 5yr old banter.

Job well done

Today I tackled my gardening and chores. My hands, hamstrings and back are screaming!

Dad who is still in remission from Lymphoma has been diagnosed with a chronic spinal condition that might require surgery. Although not cancer it has effected him and I have realised how much he has aged in the last couple of years. He turns 70 next year and losing his brother a couple of months ago has frightened him as well.

He still loves his consulting work and although "retired" he loves spending time in the office and being approached to work with particular clients. In many ways this is his time and it has been selfish and lazy of me to rely on him to do my odd jobs around the house.

Maybe I lacked confidence in tackling jobs around the house, but seriously what is the worse that can happen?

I stained my deck chairs and deck mindfully. I focussed and relaxed as I stretched to trim my lawn with clippers (I don't have a lawnmower). I basked in the sunshine and enjoyed the sea breeze as I pruned my kangaroo paws (plants). I watered in a responsible fashion using a watering can and water from the sink. I raked the leaves in awe of the autumnal colours and realised how fast this year has gone.

The garden is such a joy for the soul and it rewards you for all your hardwork instantly.

What better way to spend a mild Sunday afternoon than working in the garden listening to lawnmowers, children playing footy in the street and the background buzz of a busy suburb?

Dancing in the dark..

So on Friday night I had my first school function - a bush dance! I was dreading it! I am not really sure why - maybe it was the whole idea of a late night out with a 5 yr old who normally goes to bed at 6.30pm or the trepidation with which I approach a new and different social experience, possibly magnified as I am a sole parent and don't have the buffer of a partner to stick with in social situations.

Luckily I am blessed with the gift of the gab (funnily the 5 yr old does too) and found it quite easy to blend in - or maybe that was the charddy! Either way I was surprised to find myself enjoying the whole experience. From the bush dancing to chasing the kids around the dark playground.

The smile on my daughters face was priceless and the sound of the her laughter joyous!

We stayed to the very end and I will not be so skeptical about attending the next school function. Being apart of a community feeds the soul through friendships, conversation, play, laughter and pride. I felt proud to be apart of my daughter's school community and enjoyed the laughter and conversation over a drink with some new friends.

A week...days...

Wow - what a week! Non stop, sick child, issues at work! Just full of drama and a teeny bit of stress!

It always surprises me when I observe other people reacting to a crisis in the workplace. A typical planner, over zealous organiser and list maker I tend to be prepared when an issue or concern arises and maybe the pessimism in me makes me ready for when someone doesn't do what they are meant to do.

Laying blame is usually the first thing I notice. It seems to always be somone elses mistake or problem. I just don't get this, if you have made and error or messed up in anyway I am not sure why you wouldn't take responsibility for it. This week I have watched two managers lay the blame for a major error on each other. Being stuck in the middle of this has been almost comical.

The next thing I noticed was one of them trying to blame the "system" or process, and in effect trying to make me the scapegoat. Probably the most stressful parts of this week has involved me having to stand by my work output and integrity. One positive out of this has been the support of my Manager.

The audit set for Monday which has sparked this weeks events will ascertain where the system has fallen over and hopefully it will hold the right person accountable for their errors or lack of action.

I meditated, chanted, burned my green candle for positivity, had lemon and orange oil in the oil burner , recycled and placed my jade owl for wisdom on display to feel good this week. And wow - what might previously have turned into a disaster of a week at home for me - was a a positive challenge....if that is possible.

A lovely moment this week was reading on a seat over looking the beach on a cool blustery day...the sea air was cold, fresh, salty and the waves choppy and slate grey. Just gorgeous!

Retrospective

So I didn't enlighten the world with my thoughts yesterday - wasn't feeling inspired or creative I suppose.

As I sit here this morning with the 5 yr old pretending to be a hairdresser (on me) and watch the sun turn to storm outside I can reflect on my day yesterday which was full from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. Full of chores, conversation, work and me time. It was the perfect balance of me and non me time! At the time I felt a bit overwelmed by all I had to do. At the time I was annoyed that my phone kept ringing. At the time I was aggitated and felt time poor.

In hindsight I got most of the work I had to do, so that is good. A new friend rang a couple of times to organise stuff which is so much more therapeutic than an email or facebook posting, which is how I tend to communicate with friends due to time constraints. I found the time to meditate and the 5 yr old had a good day at school and a great swimming lesson. I also enjoyed a glass of wine while listening to the 5 yr old chatting to our neighbours and even saw the news!

My sticks are my photo from yesterday. I love the fact that I have influenced my daughter to take more notice of the world around her. She is constantly bringing me seeds and sticks and shells asking me if they are beautiful and insisting we bring them home. She has a nature bowl outside (it was inside until I realised that we were sometimes bringing home more than just the sticks and bits) and it is full.

Work work work.....

I paid for a long weekend today at the office. Only working part time it ended up as my only office day this week! My desk was already piled with paperwork as I walked through the door at 6.30am!!!!! The phone didn't stop, the emails kept coming and I had to sit through an hour session on the technicalities of a new training package while I very non mindfully kept thinking about the other things on my page long "to do list".

At one point I think I actually declared outloud "I can only do what I can do" and should stop feeling stressed for not being able to fit all the work into my work hours this week. It is what it is. So I rescheduled an afternoon meeting and got the more urgent things done and left on time to get home to pick the 5 yr old up from a friend's house.

A non meditating day and I can feel it. I had planned to spent 15 mins in the quiet of the office this morning - but the CEO scared me when he arrived not long after me! Glad he didn't find me sitting in the dark with my eyes closed and ipod on!

It did rain today, beautiful heavy rain that soaked the city this morning. It was as dark as night and just refreshing and invigorating to see the water splashing off the window sills. The garden looks more green - if that is possible! Hopefully more to come!

Note to self - add to personal to do list, find a new job that is more unique, colourful and creative. I know the grass is always greener but the grey office is just too colourless! I need to look outside the square.

My photo today reminds me of why I do work....ssshhhhh

Think before acting....

My patience and energy were tested today.

I am not quite sure what I was thinking when I suggested that the 5 yr old ride to school today. It was such a lovely morning, we were up early and all seemed good! We did make it 3/4 of the way there before I ended up pushing her bike, so I guess that is a positive. So is the fact I got to walk/run home and get some exercise done before 9.30 in the morning.

I enjoyed a productive and energised day of household chores - including using the grey water from the washing machine to water my limp looking james stirlings out the back and a peaceful meditation session.

I walked back to school with a positive mantra running through my head "she will want to ride home and she won't throw a tantie in the school yard".....well she didn't throw the tantie in the school yard as I bribed her with the idea of buying an icypole on the way home. She did throw a tantie when we hit the main road and she decided she didn't want to ride anymore....her legs were tired. So started a mexican standoff of mega proportions.

My patience won out (or maybe it was the threat of no icy pole) and she hopped back on the bike with me pushing her. We were talking by the time we got to the shops and she was positively perky after we bought her icy pole.

Lesson of the day - school for a 5 yr old is enough of a challenge - physically, emotionally, mentally - without the added addition of a 2km round trip on a bike - no matter how much mummy wants to get some exercise.

Instead I will be better organised to use my child free/work free time to find time for me. I have managed to find 20 mins a day to meditate, now I just need 30 mins 3 times a week to exercise. The benefits were evident today as I positively bounced from chore to chore after my morning run!

I must work out how to load my photos from yesterday and today off my phone. I am a bit of a techno moron!

American Idol about to start...so begins mummy time!

A Tuesday....

So was feeling a little gloomy this morning. Two dead mice this morning - good for you Harry!

On autopilot, had the 5 year old at school on time. Had a couple of uninspiring chats with some mums. Everyone seemed a little flat. Maybe it was the long weekend? Me I think it is the challenges of running my own business, the challenges of being a sole parent and having a part time job I am not really fond of. PMS might have something to do with it to.

Rather than loath in self pity, taking on board mindfulness I headed to the shopping centre to stock up on buckets to collect my "grey" water and put petrol in the car. Better to be ticking things off my to do list.

Home and meditated for 20 mins emerging feeling more energised and a little more focussed. Another coffee and some work for the business. Money is a bit tight so am juggling a few bills at the moment - not sure how the ATO will feel when our BAS is late!

Another important me thing to do is to try and squeeze in some exercise. So just back from a 45 min walk, listening to some new and daggy music - got to love FAME! Walking route took me around the school (no I don't stalk my daughter everyday!) and saw the cherub in her sport class! Made me smile!

Also lifting my spirits is the greenery that surround the metro area I live. Amongst golf courses it sometimes feels like we are in the middle of the bush with the large gum trees and their lovely Australian aroma. This morning I saw the biggest Magnolia tree I think I have ever seen - the flower must have been the size of a dinner plate and brilliant white.

So having successfull ticked a lot of my list today I will ride out the PMT and spend some time reading in the sun and enjoying the serenity. Might surf the net for some other inspiring sites and blogs.

Awful beginning.....beautiful day....

So this morning I was woken by my 5 year old before 6am telling me there was a dead mouse downstairs. Stumbling downstairs with my tigher than ever achilles and sleep head I was greeted at the bottom of the stairs by a very dead 20 cm long mouse (or RAT). Harry the cat had done his job over night which is the positive. Being woken to it at that time in the morning made it impossible for me to see any positives.

Anyway after noticing that the dog I am minding had dug another two holes in my lawn I decided it was time to try and revive my rather dead patch of greenery and headed to the local nursery, one of my favourite places! In between the squeals (such a wonderful sound) of my 5 yr old who loved going in search for the bird baths and other squeal (spelling) worthy objects, we managed to purchase the grass seed and a selection of flowering stuff (chosen by the 5 yr old).

What a delightful day it has turned into. The sound of giggles as she plays with her friend, searching the park for bits of tree (I like the way they look when they have been out in the weather, she likes seeds and other odd things to go in her nature bowl) and searching the local organic shop for good stuff for the environment and real looking fruit and vegetables.

I had an apithany (spelling) yesterday that I feel good when I am doing something good for the environment. So in keeping with making every moment great, I plan to do more of the things that make me feel good (common sense really). Today's new "good thing to do for the environment" is putting a bucket in the sink and collecting the water I use daily, while washing hands and dishes. I have to say I am astounded by the amount of water I would normally wash down the sink.

I also feel good when I surround myself with things I like the look, touch, smell and colour of. Hence the collecting of twigs and seeds. I do sound a little eccentric! I use them to make wind mobiles with shells. The 5 year old's cubby is adorned by them.

I haven't loaded my daily photo but have taken some of the 5 yr old planting her seaside daisy outside. I wonder what other surprises and experiences today will hold. Living mindfully is a tough assignment for someone who is a typical Type A personality and extreme organiser and list maker!

A start

So here I am with a blog. Not being the techno type I really didn't know what one was but when my folks started talking about a blog they were reading I thought it was time to investigate. It seemed the like the perfect place to start this journey.

This year is my year. In the turmoil that is the world we live in I have found myslef lost and without focus. Step one in this process was enroling in a meditation course. This has been life changing and allowed me to focus and calm the constant chatter in my head. It is also teaching me to be more in the now, appreciating what I have now, and not focusing on what I don't have.

My blog will be a daily reminder of all that is good in my life. I read recently about a lady who took a photo a day for a whole year to remind herself how wonderful her life was. I think this is a great idea. She is artistically inclined and the photos are gorgeous but it is something I am going to try. She plans on copying the document for both of her children, another lovely idea.

Last night I signed up to receive some newletters and updates from some lovely sites and I hope to learn more about alternate methods of relaxation, personal appreciation and appreciation of the world around me. From leaves to sand to seeds to rocks to birds to trees to water. So I begin.

Today's photos - the beauty outside my own front door. I walk past these things everyday without noticing the colour, texture, beauty right in front of me.