Ho hummmmmm......

Ho hum….

I have been feeling really flat the last few days. Lucy has a bad night time cough and I am averaging around 4 hours sleep a night. She is fine during the day and is as perky as normal! I am not sure how kids do this. They have the ability to feel “great” no matter how little quality sleep they get (well mine does anyway). Currently as I sit at work (obviously not doing any) she is at home dressed ready for school outside (it’s 7.30am and 12 degrees) on the play equipment. Rearing to go!

I am sitting at my computer in the office waiting for my motivation and energy to kick in!

After feeling so energized to go back to study and find work that I am passionate about I feel stuck already. With worries about redundancies at work and my father having another health scare I am now questioning my decision to go back to study. If I did go back and undertake a counseling course – would I really be able to find a part time job that could support my daughter and I?

I know money doesn’t necessarily make you “happy”, but so much of my life is dominated by it! I am typically one of those people who work to live. I don’t have any huge career aspirations, I don’t feel driven to do anything in particular and I desperately do not want to return to full time work. I could quite happily not work and fill my days with lovely creative, active and charitable activities. Well this is not going to happen and I need to stop fantasizing about it!

So I will work through these doldrums and embrace the sun, fragrance of spring and get organized and energised! I need to to surround myself by supportive and creative people. I will help my friends and enjoy coffees and chats. I will accept that I must work and not judge or compare what I do to other people. I will cuddle Lucy and be grateful that she is so full of energy and the bright spark of my life and maybe I should embrace and try the suggestions in The Happiness Institute’s Monday blog;

“Maybe happiness and success comes down to what we do every 15 minutes! Maybe happiness and success comes down to what we do in each and every moment rather than across a whole day or week or year! Achieving happiness almost certainly comes down to practising a few simple disciplines each and every minute so determine what actions you need to take to find more happiness and focus on doing them as often as you can in every 15 minute period throughout the day!”

Happiness Institute Monday Aug 18 2009

Aaaarrggghhhhhhh....finding time

Time - where does it go? Why can't I seem to motivate myself to manage it better. I used to list it as one of my strengths, but somewhere along the way I seem to have lost the ability or will to be productive.

It is stressing me out a bit that I don't seem to be able to "manage" all aspects of my life at the moment. I need to get better at doing the work stuff that has to be done when I can do it rather than waiting till the last minute.

How can I motivate myself to get the less enjoyable aspects of work off my to do list and in doing so de-stressing myself!

Why is it I will spend half an hour on facebook and not balancing the bank statements in MYOB? (ok that is an obvious one). Why is it I will sit and write on my blog rather than attending to the mountain of paperwork on my desk at the moment. At 37 I would have thought I would be more conscientious than when I was younger - but it doesn't seem to be the case. I seem to be going backwards.

Somewhere along the way I have lost interest in my work life (apart from the social interaction). I lack career ambition and really, really don't know what I want to be when I "grow up". This lack of clarity is impacting all areas of my life.

Reading, researching, talking and exploring alternate options are high on my to do list. With lots of scenarios up in the air at the moment hopefully I will find a "solution" soon.

Until then I will plod along, doing what I have to do to pay the bills and keep the business running, and at least enjoying the wonderful things in my life at the moment; the lovely Lucy, interaction with our new school friends, hanging out with friends, gardening, listening to music, going to the beach and collecting shells and sticks, enjoying a latte, reading and watching the leaves autumnal showcase.